CHALLENGING LIFE'S Table of Contents

CHALLENGING LIFE’S INS AND OUTS: www.amazon.com/author/redbecker and Nook.

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BIOGRAPHY: Debbie (Painter) Becker was born in 1957 in Enid, Oklahoma and graduated in 1975. She married Jim Plucker that same year and has two sons, Scott and Robert from that marriage. She moved to South Dakota in 1979. Her marriage ended in 1993. In 1995 she married Richard Jorgensen in Sioux Falls unfortunately he died of cancer in 2003. She has two brothers, a niece and a nephew in Oklahoma.  Scott died April 2019.

Debbie Becker: She met Red in a homecoming parade in Sept. 2003, They fell in love and married in August 2004. She has two adults sons and three granddaughters. She loves Lucille Ball, NCIS, CSI, USA Network, Lifetime, game shows and Sprint Cup but especially her hubby, sons and granddaughters.

                                      BIOGRAPHY: Reverend Larry J. Williams: Born and raised in the Midwest State of Kansas. Hometown is Junction City, KS, home of the “Big Red One-1st Infantry Division”. Attended schools in Junction City, KS, after graduating High School he entered the United States Air Force at the end of the Vietnam era. Honorably discharged under medical conditions at McGuire AFB, and for over 30 years he fought for his disability rating at the VA. He finally received his compensation at the Sioux Falls Regional Office and Medical Center, thanks to the work of the Compensation Office and the Disabled American Veterans.

                                      He accepted his calling into the Ministry in 1982, entered training as a CNA, CMA, HHA, and LPN from 1988 to 1996. He continued to work in the Human Services Field as a Alcohol and Drug Counselor from 1997 to 2010. He says: “I’m not perfect, buy I try my best to help others and encourage them, but I isolate due to my actions that get me into disagreements, so I only go out when necessary, because of my diagnosis of PTSD, and I can’t afford not to be depressed.”

Red says back: “I’m glad I met you in the two groups at SFVAMC and your name is Larry and you have PTSD and depression. Keep the Faith.”

TABLE OF CONTENTS

4 Biographies

5 Table of Contents

8 FVN Triple Mission Statement and History of FVN (shortened)

10 CHAPTER ONE–Introduction to “Ins and Outs”;

13 Lesson Zero–This process accepts them all

13 Lesson One–What are the “Ins and Outs” of Life?

14 Lesson Two-What is “normal”

15 Lesson Three–Hats

15 Lesson Four–The Shelf and its boxes

17 Lesson Five–Emotions–raw or otherwise

18 Lesson Six–Weighing the cost of choice

19 Lesson Seven–Filters–by Deb Becker

21 Lesson Eight–“Deb’s Cleaning Closet”–by Deb Becker

23 CHAPTER TWO–Challenging “Ins and Outs”

23 Lesson Nine–Return of the Boxes: TWELVE STEPS TO PROCESS THE BOXES

23 STEP ONE–Do you Own It?

23 STEP TWO–Don’t be Judgmental of Others

24 STEP THREE–Don’t Make Assumptions

25 STEP FOUR–Always be Encouraging

25 STEP FIVE–Learn how to Accept the Situation and Learn Serenity

26 STEP SIX–Let it Go

26 STEP SEVEN–Spirituality, Faith and Prayer

27 STEP EIGHT–Get Thee Grateful

27 STEP NINE–Forgive Others

28 STEP TEN–Have Balance in Your Life

30 STEP ELEVEN–Be the Better Person

31 STEP TWELVE–Pay it Forward or do a Random Act of Kindness

32 Lesson Ten–Adaptation

32 Lesson Eleven–Simplicity KIS

34 CHAPTER THREE–Social Skills

34 BASICS TO SOCIAL SKILLS

36 Lesson 12–How and When to Make Apologies to Others

37 Lesson 13–How to Make Requests

38 Lesson 14–How to Express Positive Feelings

38 Lesson 15–How to Express Angry and Unpleasant Feelings

40 Lesson 16–How to Start a Conversation with a New Person

40 Lesson 17–How to Maintain a Conversation by Asking Questions

40 Lesson 18--More on Questions and How to Agree to Disagree

40 Lesson 19--How to be Friendly and You Should also be Nice

43 Lesson 20--How to Make Requests Properly

43 Lesson 21--How to Make Complaints

44 Lesson 22–How to Maintain Positive Attitude

44 Lesson 23-How to use Validation and Respect

45 Lesson 24–How to use Manners and Politeness

45 Lesson 25–How to use Etiquette

47 Lesson 26–Paying it Forward

47 Lesson 27–Balance, Clarity, Distractions and Joy

51 Lesson 28–Be an “Element of Change”, show the way

51 Lesson 29–What are Ethics and how to use them

52 Lesson 30–The Golden Rule

54 CHAPTER FOUR–Spirituality–Reverend Larry Williams

54 Lesson 31-Spirituality 101: Spirituality, Faith and Prayer

55 Lesson 32-Spirituality 201: What is Spirituality as it relates to Mental Health

58 Lesson 33-Spirituality 301: Religious Basics

60 Lesson 34-Spirituality 401: Christian Primer

61 Lesson 35-Spirituality 501: Advanced Faith

62 Lesson 36-Spirituality 601: Advanced Prayer

65 CHAPTER FIVE–Conquering “Ins and Outs”

65 Lesson 37-Summary to Challenging “Life’s Ins and Outs”

66 Lesson 38-Processing and Modes

69 Lesson 39-Crisis Mode and Cascading

71 Lesson 40-Going Nuclear

72 Lesson 41-Picking up the Pieces

73 Lesson 42-Reassessing Yourself (Picking up the Pieces)

73 Lesson 43-Rebooting Yourself

73 Lesson 44-You done did good; I’m proud of you!

74 Lesson 45-Making Goals

75 Lesson 46-Anger Management

77 CHAPTER SIX–Introduction to Organizing and Blank Forms On various Blogspot pages.

78 Lesson 47-Inventory Record of Assets

78 Lesson 48-Safeguarding Important Documents

81 Lesson 49-Being Able to Organize

81 Lesson 50-Simple Tools to Organize Your Life

82 Lesson 51-Think Green

83 Lesson 52-Making a Monthly or a Pay Period Budget

85 Lesson 53-Making a Menu and Shopping List

87 Lesson 54-Using a Petty Cash Budget

89 Lesson 55-Vehicle Inspection Checklist

90 Lesson 56-Vehicle Maintenance and Parts Levels

90 Lesson 57-Food Stability and Safety

93 CHAPTER SEVEN–Common Sense

93 Lesson 58-Common Sense 101–Do You Have It?

93 Lesson 59-Why People Don’t Have Common Sense

95 Lesson 60-How to Redevelop Common Sense

95 Lesson 61-Baggage-And Who is that Driving Your Bus?

96 Lesson 62-Problems that Hinder Common Sense

97 Lesson 63-FVN’s New Power Sentence: “Stop the Stigma”

97 Lesson 64-Spirituality, Faith and Prayer

97 Lesson 65-FUBAR, SNAFU and Charlie Foxtrot

97 Lesson 66-I Know that You can Do It

98 Lesson 67-Web Sites

99 CHAPTER EIGHT–CPR and First Aid

99 Lesson 68-CPR

99 Lesson 69-First Aid

102 Lesson 70-Health Issues

104 CHAPTER NINE–Home Safety and Counter Crime

107 Lesson 71-Household Safety

107 Lesson 72-Utilities Safety and Evacuations

107 Lesson 73-Fire Safety and Preventions

108 Lesson 74-Burglar Proofing

109 Lesson 75-Other Crime and Assisting the Police

109 Lesson 7 6-Car Jacking

111 CHAPTER TEN–Reservist and Veterans Issues

111 Lesson 77-How Many Key Employees and other Employees are in the Guards or Reserves?

112 Lesson 78-Servicemen’s Group Life Insurance

112 Lesson 79-Department of Defense Casualty System

113 Lesson 80-Home Front and Rear Echelon Units

113 Lesson 81-To My Fellow Servicemen and Women: A Great Thanks...

114 Lesson 82-Government and Peer to Peer Web Sites

115 Lesson 83-Now that You are at Home

117 Lesson 84-Periods of Wartime Service

120 Lesson 85-VA Documents Needed, Basic Eligibility, Enrollment and Priority Groups

122 Lesson 86-New VA Five Year Care

123 Lesson 87-New Post 9/11 GI Bill Education

123 Lesson 88-U.S. Branches and Components

124 Lesson 89-Various Armed Forces Medals

125 Lesson 90-U.S. Armed Forces Operations and Casualties

135 CHAPTER ELEVEN—Pre-Disaster Planning

136 Lesson 91-Ready Kits in Your Vehicles

139 Lesson 92-Safeguarding Important Documents

142 Lesson 93-Ready Bags and Boxes for your Home

145 Lesson 94-Risk Assessment

145 Lesson 95-Scenario Planning

148 Lesson 96-Pets, Farm and Working Animals for Evacuations

148 Lesson 97-Helping our Seasoned Citizens or other Housebound Persons

148 Lesson 98-Helping those Who Have Special Needs or that are Disabled

149 Lesson 99-Further Evacuation Plans and Procedures

149 Lesson 100-Fire Evacuations

152 Lesson 101-National Weather Service Alerts

154 Lesson 102-Winter Storms

154 Lesson 103-Severe Thunderstorms

155 Lesson 104-Floods

156 Lesson 105-Tornadoes

158 Lesson 106-Hurricanes

159 Lesson 107-Earthquakes

160 Lesson 108-Volcanoes

160 Lesson 109-Salvaging Pre-Brief

161 Lesson 110-Recap on Evacuations

162 Lesson 111-Commercial Leakage Risks

162 Lesson 112-Radiation Leaks

163 Lesson 113-47 Point Business Survivability Checklist

164 Lesson 114-Setting up Areas or Groups

167-170 VARIOUS FVN BLANK FORMS and FVN MEMBERSHIP REGISTRATION FORM

FAMILY VICTORY NETWORK’s GENERAL MISSION STATEMENT:

We are a Faith based company that believes in enlightenment, encouragement, empowerment, forgiveness, gratitude, grace and hope. We believe that everyone has the choice to choose even if it is the wrong, misinformed or ignorant choice. We also believe in the Triune God, Original Sin and Redemption on the Cross. FVN is also an Equal Opportunity Company and will not discriminate against Race, Religion, Creed, Sex or Orientation.

CHALLENGING LIFE'S: CHAPTER 3 TEASER

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available at www.amazon.com/author/redbecker and Nook

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CHALLENGING LIFE’S INS AND OUTS

CHAPTER THREE—Follow up to “Ins and Outs”

BASICS TO SOCIAL SKILLS, Positive Attitude, Manners, Etiquette, and “Pay it Forward” 

I (Red), and some of my other friends, Reverend Larry, Reverend Jim, Joy, Julie and others are Veterans, and we took a five month Social Skills Class in 2011 and 2012. I’m putting the best of the class into this chapter and adding some other needed lessons also, such as Maintaining Positive Attitude; Ethics, Validation and Respect; Etiquette; Pay it Forward; Balance, Clarity, Distractions and Joy; Be an “Element of Change”, show the way, and the “Golden Rule”.

I’m hoping that these nineteen lessons will take root in whom ever reads them and that they make the necessary changes in their life. These are not rules, this is just a guide book to hopefully show you an alternate way to act, behave and enjoy life and its blessings.

I, Red, myself was very shocked that I had very few social skills according to this format. The military and life in general can do that to you. But like my Psychologist said, “Hang up you hats, shut your mouth and open your ears and open your mind”, I did and life is much better.

How to Listen to Others:

Without this most important step, all other lessons in Social Skills would be pointless. Listening and maintaining focus to what is being said by the other person in not only polite but shows respect and can give validation to the other person.

The Four Steps are:

         You need to look at the Person

         You need to acknowledge the Person

         You need to repeat what was said

         You need to stay on topic until the topic is finished

●       You need to look at the person because maintaining eye to eye or face to face contact is not only polite, but respectful and shows the other person that he or she is important to you and to have a conversation with you.

●       You need to acknowledge the person by saying “Hello”, “How are you?” Or give a response of “Good”, “OK”, “Yep”, “10-4", “No, and”. or any other saying that gives the impression that the other person will know that the both of you are now engaged in conversation. Expanding this particular skill will be enhanced in several other lessons.

●       You need to repeat what was said by the other person, so that lines of communication stay open and focused, also so that no misinterpation of what was just said can’t happen. You’re both saying the same thing or on the same page, so to speak.

●       Having this step go wrong is what causes arguments, fights, banters, debates and unfortunately wars. So taking the time to listen properly in the beginning and repeating the same thing back is essential in maintaining good relations, social skills and etiquette.

●       You need to stay on the one topic until you have finished the topic. This is hard for everyone to do sometimes, even for me, because, one idea for me, then another topic for the other person, and another topic so on an so forth. The next thing you know you are five topics away from the original topic.

So once both of you have agreed that the topic is finished, then you can either part ways gracefully or however or go on the next topic and start the four step process over again. If you are like me, keep a little note book and jot down a couple of words for the next topic and hopefully the conversation will take place or will be emailed later on, etc.

One question is the second topic to the first topic, is how important or relevant is it to the first topic? How important is it to you or to the other person? If the other person started the topic it probably isn’t important to him. He or she has the lead in the conversation. If it is your topic, then finish the first topic anyway.

This whole concept was a major sticking point for me in the beginning a couple years ago, I wanted to show off my knowledge or my big mouth about some sub-topic or other irrelevant topic. I can still catch myself sometimes. Mouth shut, ears open, eyes forward and mind engaged.

Lesson 12-How to and When to Make Apologies to Others–

“Be the bigger person”, in regards to politeness and manners, Psychological counselors say. The Bible says, to humble yourself, treat others as you would want to be treated (paraphrased).

TO GET THE 19 LESSONS IN SOCIAL SKILLS YOU WILL HAVE TO PURCHASE THIS BOOK AT www.amazon.com/author/redbecker or on Nook. SEE THE CLIO “Table of Contents”. Here are a few more free lessons. ENJOY. Follow us on Twitter @familydisaster.

Lesson 28--Be an “element of change”, show the way

As you progress for the better in changing yourself while doing these life lessons, then you will want to change your total lifestyle slowly. People will wonder, yeah sure, another phase, but this can be real effective change for you when you follow thru with it.

Someone said “Deeds, Not Words”, so take the positive action necessary to change yourself. Another way to do this is to be an “Element of Change” and lead by example. If you were a grumpy person, then start smiling more and say hello. If you were always angry about everything, then figure out a way to not be as angry about things that you have no control over. Use the Serenity Prayer. Acceptance and Forgiveness are necessary components in this endeavor. If you were a ill-mannered person, then use proper manners, etiquette and ethics plus use your social skills.

Remember, that this is just a beginning, and it just takes practice and if you goof up don’t be so hard on yourself if you do, just restart over again and just keep on going. If you need individual therapy, groups or need to read other books then do so.

Lesson 29–What are Ethics and how to use them– (thanks to wikipedia.com)

(October 2012-as defined) Ethics, also known as moral philosophy, is a branch of philosophy that includes systematics, definitions and re-connecting concepts of right and wrong that conflict. The term comes from the Greek word “Ethos”, which means character.

There are Four Major Aspects of Ethics, they are:

●       moral behavior how one should act

●       truth and values, moral course of action

●       outcomes in specific situations, peoples behavior

●       about morality

Ethics should be a stand alone concept apart from the law or religion. Thanks again to www.wikipedia.com

With all of the concepts and definition out of the way, ethics is simply put, is how to treat others with respect, dignity, validation, making the right moral choices, and this can be done by using the right choice to chose and using proper social skills. There are many self-help books that you can read at the library or buy later, but all of these lessons in this book are to be a primer to life lessons to become a well balanced human being.

Lesson 30–The Golden Rule with 13 different Religious or Belief systems

Courtesy www.harryhiker.com/poster and Scaroboro Missions

There are 13 major belief systems or Religions in the world and we are not to promote one over the other here or to dismiss one over another here. This is a comparison of one concept and how each Religion or belief system expresses the “Golden Rule”.

The major premise is “Do unto others as you would want them to do to you-Be Nice” [Not to be confused with the other golden rule: “Ye who has the most gold, makes the rules-that one can be bad-dictators.”]

Here are the 13 comparisons:

Buddhism: Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. Udana-Varga 5:18

Confucianism: One word that sums up the that sums up the basis of good conduct... loving kindness. Do not do to others what you do not what done to yourself. Confucius, Analects 15:23

Taoism: Regard your neighbour’s gain as your own gain, and your neighbour’s loss as you own loss. T’ai Shang Kan Ying Pien 213-218

Sikhism: I am a stranger to no one; and no man is a stranger to me. Indeed, I am a friend to all. Guru Granth Sahib, p. 1299

Christianity: In everything, do to others as you have them to you; for this is the law and the prophets. Jesus, Matthew 7:12

Unitarianism: We affirm and promote respect for the interdependent web for all existence of which we are a part. Unitarian principle

Native Spirituality: We are much alive as we keep the earth alive. Chief Dan George

Zoroastrianism: Do no do unto others whatever is injurious to yourself.

      Shayast-na-Shayast 13:29

Jainism: One should treat all creatures in the world as would like to be treated. Mahatunt, Saltruta

Judaism: What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbour; This is the whole Torah; and all the rest is commentary.

Islam: Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself. The Prophet Mohammad, Hadih

Baha’i Faith: Lay not on any soul a load that you would not wish to be laid upon you, and desire not for anyone the things you would not desire for yourself. Baha’w’liah

Hinduism : This is the sum of duty: do not do unto others what would cause pain if done to you. Mahabharasa 5:1517

TO GET THE WHOLE CHAPTER PLEASE PURCHASE, “Challenging Life’s Ins and Outs” at www.amazon.com/author/redbecker or on Nook. Kindle 30 countries.