CHALLENGING: CHAPTER 5 TEASER

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Copyright 2013–Red Becker www.amazon.com/author/redbecker

CHAPTER FIVE—Conquering Life’s“Ins and Outs”

Lesson 37–SUMMARY

Your life and my life have a constant evaluation and process done every day to the “Ins and Outs” of Life to stay mentally healthy, be focused, balanced and achieve clarity, engage the Twelve Steps to Challenging “Ins and Outs” and Processing the Boxes. Here is a review:

ONE: “OWN IT”: Once you “OWN” and admit to your mistakes it will be easier to go forward. Make sure to forgive yourself because you’re only human. You might want to weigh the cost, choose the cost and take a time out if needed.

TWO--Don’t be Judgmental: Although it is hard not to judge or pre-judge someone, you should do your best to use empathy and see what to other side of the story is before an opinion is made.

THREE–Don’t make Assumptions: You’re not a mind reader and neither is the other person. There are many reason on why things are probably not the reasons that you expect. Bad Communications is usually the primary reason for having assumptions made.

FOUR–Always be Encouraging: A kind word is always best, and if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all. Build some one up, not tear them down. “Being rude is being a Prude!

FIVE–Learn Acceptance and Serenity: Remember that Acceptance, Courage and Wisdom are the Three pillars to the Serenity Prayer. Accept the cost and the new abnormal normal or make amends if possible.

SIX–Let it Go: If you can Accept and Let Go of an issue or situation, then the better you will feel and the more energy that you will have for the future.

SEVEN–Use Your Higher Power: We are not alone in this universe. Something big created us, we should worship this being. It is one on one time with you and you Higher Power.

EIGHT--Get Thee Grateful: Being Grateful for the smallest things in your life or the things that you take for granted creates humility. This is also spiritual.

NINE–Forgiveness: Knowing on how to Forgive takes a lot of weight off oneself. Learn how to forgive yourself first and be gentle to yourself, you’re only human. Forgive others so that you can be forgiven.

TEN–Balance: Have balance, clarity, focus, distractions and a joy in your life. Don’t be just a lump on your couch, nor be an over worker or over player. Balance your time, activities and efforts.

ELEVEN–Common Sense: Be the better person with deeds not words.

TWELVE–“Pay it Forward” or use “Acts of Random Kindness”: Remember the Golden Rule.

LESSON 38-Processing and Modes

Red says—“I do this processing every day. There are some days if I have heavy PTSD or Bi-Polar issues, then I process my boxes or issues several times a day or each time I need to check my thoughts and emotions.”

So if you do this process every day or every time that you need to, then you have “Conquered some of the ‘Ins and Outs’ of Life”. This is because life is a constant change and we must be ready to embrace those changes because -we are growing beings. This may happen fast and remember “Gunny Highway’s” words of adapting, overcoming and improvising when needed. You are now a newer you with a newer balance, clarity, acceptance, focus, gratefulness and serenity. Don’t worry if you stumble or fall or if all the boxes fall off the shelf, just stack them on the floor and process one at a time back on the shelf. If this works then, yes is operative word in the first sentence in the last paragraph is “some” as in “some of the Ins and Outs” or the process works “some of the time”.

A bunch of boxes fell of your shelf and you just can’t seem to pick one up to process it, every single box slips out of you hands and crashes to the floor. Well then you are now in pre-crisis mode, crisis mode, cascade mode or nuclear mode.

The first thing to remember that “CRISIS-whichever mode is defined by the person having the crisis!” Now what can you do to solve the crisis? Who else can assist you in slowing down your crisis?

Before I go into exploring the types of Modes, I want to expect that you should try to weigh the cost and take a time out, so that you don’t have to regret and have bad mistakes. I say this because I was very good or was very bad at this and having to rebuild relationships, apologizing, etc. and being in the psych ward. IT’S NOT FUN, EH?

CASE IN POINT: Saturday, September 22, 2012, Fall Equinox, Canistota, SD. The day started out good and good with the Lord also. At about 10AM the weather changed, it got real cold real fast-one of my triggers and caused my Fibromyalgia and the pain to be extreme all day-another trigger-so I started to process all the triggers, pain, boxes, etc., NO JOY. I was horrible all day. We did go to Saturday Evening Church service, but the pain kept on going extreme and nothing was working. Did prayer, hot shower, topical ointments, all of my pain interventions, but NO JOY-I had to write the day off.

My mind was taking worst of it because I couldn’t do any writing, typing, watch football or anything enjoyable. I slept and any waking moment as a state of unfocused insanity. I had no focus, no locus, no clarity, no balance. Around 9:11 PM that night, I didn’t care, I was cascading, I wanted to call the local VA Crisis Line, so that I could whine, bitch and moan and really get mad if they were idiots and unprofessional. Yes, my mind can get nasty also.

I didn’t call, but I could hear them yakking about relapse prevention, whether I worked my plan, etc. The only thing my mind knew and at 10:48 pm, was that it was burning out for no reason fast, I wanted to do something stupid and then Relapse Prevention popped back into my head again. Quick Gratitude Prayer. It was a Double-Duh moment for me. I haven’t written the lessons on Relapse Prevention, Crisis Mode and Going Nuclear yet. What perfect timing! NO JAIL, NO PSYCH WARD, NO $200 YET, but still hurting and tired and I’m still kicking. That’s the point, That’s the point, if you can’t kick butt anymore, then make sure your kicking some how. 11:25 pm.

Explaining the MODES: Pre-Crisis Mode: You just have this feeling that things in life are just not right, but you can’t explain it yet, because you haven’t identified or processed the boxes that fell of your safe shelf. Your mind is still clear and rational. You still have total control and you have the choice to choose for the better and can identify and process those boxes. Find out what stressors are out there. Do they need to be fixed right away or can you take a time out or nap to help the situation. Do what you need to get back on track. Work the Twelve Steps in Chapter Two.

Crisis Mode: CRISIS-as defined by the person having the CRISIS! It seem that all your thoughts are jumbled and excited, whatever decision that you make is the wrong one. Failure, defeat, despair, hopelessness, uselessness, anxiety, depression are there. How do you pull yourself up by the bootstraps when you can’t even find the boots? Then the object is to find the boots.

Cascading Mode: The best way to explain Cascading, is that it is like setting up dominoes and letting them fall one after each other. Unless you can pull three out of the way somewhere, they keep on falling down and you wind up in the psych ward with suicidal ideation. I used to be in Cascading Mode 10% of the time, now I’m in it only 1% of the time.

Nuclear Mode: I am not a nice person in Nuclear Mode, and it is best if I stay out of that Mode. I definitely would up in the Psych ward or jail twice and I OD twice. NOT NICE! The things that would send me into Nuclear Mode a couple of years ago vs. today is between night and day. I could go into Nuclear Mode 15% of the time, now its less than one percent of the time and still very dangerous.

Now go share this message with others.

LESSON 39-CRISIS MODE AND CASCADING:

CASE IN POINT (Con’t): I had just wrote a few pages of this book, but was I out of Crisis? Had I found my Focus, Locus, Balance and Clarity? Not totally, but the distraction of writing helped me get out of a foul mood. I am a real person who has real issues of my own and I’m not perfect, I just want to let you know what has and hasn’t worked for me in the past.

OK, we’re (you and I) at the point that nothing is working, we’re in Crisis together here, what should we do together in Crisis Mode?_____ Or what should we NOT DO IN CRISIS MODE?_____________ (jail/death) Pre-Crisis Mode has failed us, or we failed it, processing the boxes didn’t work, we’re totally f’n overwhelmed, should what should we do first?_________ BREATHE!! Just Breathe Slowly, remember your breathing exercises, count to ten slowly and breath slowly in thru you nose and out thru your pursed lips. That just bought us enough time to make a few clear choices if needed. Now it’s Assessment Time! If you feel that you are going to harm your self or harm others, call the National Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255, Veterans press 1. Other countries. Search your crisis line.

CHAPTER FIVE IS A VERY IMPORTANT CHAPTER ON MODES AND CRISIS AS WELL AS GOING ON FURTHER RECOVERY FROM CRISIS. PLEASE PURCHASE “Challenging Life’s Ins and Outs” at www.amazon.com/author/redbecker or on Nook. Kindle 30 countries.