CHALLENGING LIFE'S: CHAPTER 2 TEASER

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CHAPTER TWO—Challenging “Ins and Outs”

Authored by Red and Reverend Larry with the

Sioux Falls Veterans Special Projects Team.

LESSON NINE: Return of the Boxes: When boxes happen to fall off the safe shelf, or as Red calls it as “to come out and play” with his mind and try to ruin his day, then this is how you start to make the right choice to choose and then you can either process this box or event with proper coping skills, or you can choose to have a lousy day. It’s your choice and your cost. “It used to be even in 2011 that it would take a day or two to process one box, no less a bunch of boxes, and ruin a couple of days with bad emotions and a lot of times it even hospitalized me. But that got tiring, a price emotionally that I didn’t want to pay any more, so now I can process a dozen boxes in a matter of a couple of hours and hopefully control my emotions to the good and still have a good day.”—Red.

“These steps can help you reset, reboot your mind, your day or your life”.—Red.

Steps to “Processing the Boxes”:

STEP ONE: “Do You Own It?”—Reverend Jim D.

You need to OWN your mistakes, failures, sins, etc., but learn how to forgive yourself several times and start the processing. Also, “Be gentle to yourself.”, Dr. R. Watson, PhD.

I wound up owning a lot of mistakes recently and saved me a lot of further Trouble–Red.

You have the choice to choose and you have to weigh the cost of the choice.

STEP TWO: Don’t be Judgmental of Others:

Being judgmental or being prejudiced presents a sad state of affairs in anyone’s life. There is only one who can judge and that is God. Prejudging comes from making assumptions on other people or things where by those assumptions can easily be wrong, but upbringing can have a detrimental effect on prejudice.

However being judgmental is similar to prejudging, but you are judging someone else’s actions, deeds, beliefs or thoughts without having the whole story. In other words: BAD INTEL. But if the evidence time and time again points to the other person’s bad habits or actions, then it is hard to stop being judgmental. I am very judgmental on one person in particular of whom I will not name. That is my problem, I OWN IT! I’ve tried boundaries, prayer, encouragement, etc., but the actions and the habits of this person remain the same, and this person is a integral part of my life. This person is a “Large Box” to process frequently. I found out recently that I had BAD INTEL and that there were other mitigating factors, so now I don’t have to judge this person as harshly and now I can use prayer and processing the boxes to learn not to judge any more.

So learn not to judge others anymore and pray for help on this matter.

STEP THREE: Don’t Make Assumptions:

Having assumptions is even a greater sin or mistake in life. If one assumes certain facts all the time without properly checking out the facts or not having empathy for the other person or the situation. You should always check out the facts about the other person or a situation first, before making assumptions. When the matter involves news, opinions, politics, religion or other volatile but classic hot topics, then you should get and study all facts from all sides of the story. This way you can agree to disagree without having an argument. I listen to about 12 different news channels to get the various sides of the story.

Having a spirited debate is wonderful as along as all parties are in agreement to the boundaries of the debate and each person of the debate can see the others persons point of view. This is called validation and respect. So if you want to assume something, assume to quit making assumptions. It will save you lots of time and arguments.

If you need help on this Step of Assuming or any Step, ask your group, counselor, spiritual, or just pray about it. See Step Seven and Lesson 32.

STEP FOUR: Always be Encouraging:

Instead of assuming and being judgmental of others, you should encourage others. Be the better person with a positive attitude and show them how to do it without prejudging. When someone does something right, then praise or encourage them by giving ATTABOYS and ATTAGIRLS. ALWAYS LIFT SOMEONE UP, not tear someone down. Share positive statements such as well done, excellent, terrific, you made it happen, what a great idea, right on, awesome, etc. Any words of Positive Encouragement can help someone who has low self-esteem or one who needs a good word that they accomplished something good.

STEP FIVE: Learn how to Accept the Situation and Learn Serenity: LEARN TIME OUT TECHNIQUES!

This is the big enchilada–Part I! If you can learn how to accept the event, trauma, issue or baggage, then you will start to get some relief and move forward in your life; or at least accept the feeling from the event, trauma, issue or baggage. How much energy are you spending in life being angry, hateful, depressed, anxious or whatever feeling from the event, trauma, issue or baggage?____________. I’d bet that you spend a lot of time and energy doing this. Accept that it happened, accept the feelings and prepare move forward.

The Serenity Prayer can help you figure it out some. Serenity Prayer with the main words of Accept, Knowledge and Wisdom. Those in recovery use the ‘Serenity Prayer’—BUT ANYONE CAN USE IT: ‘God, grant me the Serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to accept the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference”. WE ARE RECOVERING IN LIFE!!

The main words being ACCEPT, COURAGE AND WISDOM—THINK ABOUT IT!! Other beginning prayers could be these following selections depending on your spirituality: ‘Just for Today’, ‘Lord’s Prayer’, ‘The Twenty-third Psalm’, ‘The Short Rosary’, and the ‘Moslem’s Prayer–Allhu Akbar’. There are many prayers or meditation that can help you or others.

STEP SIX: Let It Go:

Big Enchilada–Part II: As they say in AA and NA, “Let Go, and Let God” handle it. It is very true. Once you have started accepting the fact and the emotions within, then you can start to let go. Remember “Processing the Boxes” the first time around might take a while. Once you have processed a box several times, then it will become quicker and quicker and almost automatic.

STEP SEVEN: by REVEREND LARRY: SPIRITUALITY, FAITH, AND PRAYER (No, you don’t have to go to church). Face it, we are spiritual beings. We do have a creator, no matter which faith, or lack thereof, that you have. Religion and churches are a constrained aspect. They have brick, stone, stained glass and pews. They have an organized way to worship. This is fine for a few billion people around the world with several major religions.

Spirituality is between you and your God or higher power. You can pray, talk, walk and meditate with him or her (for those who have a female deity). You can worship by yourself or with a few friends who have the same bond. I’m not here to please one religion over another, or dismiss one religion over another, but I do know that having something that is bigger than yourself and even the world is essential for most people’s daily life.

There are various definitions of faith, but it becomes something that involves God and that He will protect you from harm. But the caveat is that God lets life hits you with a truck or train every now and then. It’s called free will or making choices and sometimes fate just gives it to us. If common sense prevails with faith and prayer to help you strengthen your faith with God then you will experience a positive Lesson from even the most very bad situation. Sometimes my faith waivers due to my mental illness, but I do talk and pray to God and get out of the rut very fast. When I help others I feel good and that is another reason why I am writing this Manual. Sometimes I let my mind “tweet” God since it feels more casual or easier but still respectful. Remember “Foot Steps”? Remember to how to “Pay It Forward” to help others first.

STEP EIGHT: Get Thee Grateful. Always be grateful or thankful for things in your life, God gives these blessings to you one way or another. Be Grateful for nature, the day, your life, your family members (the good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent), friends, peers, enemies, pains and banes, social and clubs, sports, America–no matter who or what is happening here–so Gratefulness is a mind set, an attitude for the better, no matter how lousy life really is. Blessings always flow downward from God, we just have to be ready to catch them.

“Or have a Grateful Day with the (Grateful) Dead (rock band).”—Red. Yes, I’m a semi-“Dead head”

STEP NINE: Forgive others (whether it’s a blanket forgiveness to start with or use a specific forgiveness) so that this way you can be forgiven. This will have to be done many times or even daily. Don’t forget to forgive Yourself, because you can’t forgive others until you do, plus it hard to move forward until you do this step.

Forgiveness, acceptance and letting go is a mechanism that helps release the burden of guilt, shame and anger off your mind, shoulder, heart, soul and spirit. However, there are a few caveats, disclaimers, to forgiveness:

1. You need to forgive yourself first. You’re only human, you make mistakes and it’s ok. “Be gentile to yourself.” -Dr. R. Watson-Miller, Ph.D. If you need more than just this book to process your issues or emotions or boxes then do so, seek professional help now.

2. Forgiveness can be a blanket forgiveness, forgive everyone for everything because you just can’t think of everything and everyone, or you can forgive individuals or specific events. Just because you forgave someone, it doesn’t mean that you have to forget the memory. Memories can become lessons on how not to do it the next time. The forgiveness, acceptance of the event, memory or issue and letting go of it helps you process that box now.

3. “Just because you forgave someone, it doesn’t mean that you have to take them out to lunch.”-Deb Becker. This means keep your boundaries while forgiving others. Use your higher power or God to help you to do this. If you need to write a letter to someone tho wronged you or that you wronged, then do so to get the emotions and anger out of your mind and soul, but do not, repeat, do not send the letter to them. Just shred or burn the letter instead later for release of letting go. Make sure to forgive them at the end of the letter.

4. You might have to forgive the same person for the same thing multiple times. I did. The box falls of the shelf and you have to reprocess it, so you have to forgive again. “You must forgive seven times seventy.”, says the Bible.

THERE IS MORE TO FORGIVING AND THIS CHAPTER. PLEASE PURCHASE THIS BOOK AT www.amazon.com/author/redbecker or on Nook.