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CHALLENGING LIFE’S INS AND OUTS
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CHAPTER ONE--Introduction to “Ins and Outs”
Authored by Red and Deb Becker
THESE LESSONS CAN BE USED FOR ANY DIAGNOSIS’, ILLNESSES, EMOTIONS, TRAUMAS OR SITUATIONS! Just have an open mind and please read on!
MENTAL HEALTH AND LEARNING DISABILITY ISSUES: YES, IT’S IMPORTANT: One in six adult Americans have some type of Mental Health or Learning Disorder. Hey, I have Bi-polar, PTSD and some other diagnoses. My son has ADHD and my one granddaughter has mild Autism, but she a very good and a smart sweetheart.
Various press articles state that “One out of Six” American adults have some form of a Mental Health Diagnoses or Developmental Illness. “USA Today” on June 1, 2011 stated that “One in Seven children have a Learning Disorder”. But there is much denial and a stigma attached to these diagnoses.
That means that you or someone that you know is affected. What is worse is that one-third of those afflicted by mental heath or learning disorders don’t know it or they are in denial of their disorders. This can also include parents in regards to their children. So have an open mind. Remember it is not a sin, you are not a weak person and you or them are not crazy. You or they have a illness that needs treatment and can be easily controlled for most people.
At various times I have major depression, Bi-Polar with rapid cycling, seasonal adjustive disorder, PTSD, split personality (disassociate), along with fibromyalgia, arthritis, Graves ’ disease and I can manage these illnesses most of the time. I have learned many coping tools and I have a mental/human “tool box” that I use to manage myself.
PTSD can be from any trauma, not just combat or terrorism. Disasters, family losses, major accidents and childhood or sexual traumas can affect your today’s functioning. Get a hold of the National Alliance of the Mentally Ill. www.nami.org. Many larger cities have chapters with a phone number and buddy walks. There is also the National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH) at 866-615-NIMH.
FVN’S NEW POWER SENTENCE: “LET’S STOP THE STIGMA!!”
(For Mental Illnesses and Learning Disorders.) LET’S RAISE OUR VOICE AS “ONE”, TO STOP THE STIGMA! Being mentally ill doesn’t make me or anyone else any less of a human being. Many famous authors, artists, scientists, politicians and inventors have had mental illnesses. But back then there was not the superior medicines and counseling available for them. Always remember to forgive yourself; it is not your fault because you have something wrong. JUST REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT YOUR DISEASE, YOU ARE YOU! Educate yourself about your diagnoses, seek professional help-there are low cost mental health centers in most communities. First it is knowledge, then there is acceptance, then professional help with individual or groups, and always be forgiving, especially to yourself. Get over being a victim of your disease. Contact NAMI and NIMH.
You will find that your loved ones or those around you (school, work, and religion) may understand you or they may not want to understand you because they are in denial, they may be ignorant or even apathetic about you and your diagnosis. But you do not need to be those things about your condition. Be true to yourself.
REMEMBER THAT WE ARE NOT OUR DISEASE(S)!
by Dr. R. Watson, PhD.
WE ARE HUMAN, WE ARE OURSELVES!
I AM RED BECKER. WHO ARE YOU?
IT’S ALL ATTITUDE: Well we all have crappy days. But say hello or give a smile or hug to someone if needed. My mantra is if there are seven billion people on this planet and four billion are worse off than I am, then why am I complaining about my little problems. I have to be grateful for what I have and be forgiving to anyone or myself when necessary.
BAGGAGE AND WHO IS THAT DRIVING YOUR BUS? (It isn’t me.)
Well it isn’t your suitcase. It is your past malfunctions, your sins—if religious or spiritual, your bad thinking and bad vices. No one is perfect, not even me, I don’t even declare myself to be a “good Christian”, because I don’t want to be described as a hypocrite. There are some others who proclaim to be “perfect Christians” or it might be any other religion, but they will speak ill of you and stab you in the back when they want. But I try to do my best.
Baggage is something that you have to evaluate and find a way to correct or try to get rid of it. Some baggage stays around for years. The only thing that you can do is go thru the process of re-evaluating the baggage again, forgiving yourself and forgiving others. If you have gone thru a 12-Step program or at least looked at the steps, then you will see that there is a step to make amends to those that you have done wrong. But this doesn’t work all the time because that person may not want to even discuss the matter. So if that is the case don’t even try to make amends until maybe years later. But that step still can work if you write a letter making amends, forgiving yourself and others. Hold on to the letter as a step process until the amends might be actually be done.
Baggage is also having traumas or abuse that you have had in the past or in the present and that you have not been able to process. One way to clear some baggage is just to brainstorm on a piece of paper, don’t even try to organize it. Look at all the different things or stressors or wrongs that you have and then try to organize it into different categories. If you are seeing a Counselor or Psychologist, then you can show this paper to him/her. You can also write letters to people that you have harmed or failed, but don’t mail or give the letter to them. It just helps your mind to get rid of some of the bad thoughts. Sometimes you need what I call a “Forget It” letter. Just write all the crazy thoughts and bad deeds that you have done, well not all per-se, just enough to get started. Once you look at it and try to process the thoughts, then just tear it up into little pieces or burn it and say “Forget It”. If you need a few other tools to help yourself then please read on.
LESSON ZERO: It doesn’t matter what Diagnosis, Illnesses, Traumas or Emotions that you have had, are having or will have. This process accepts and fits them all. It is up to you to choose to change for the better. Face it, we all dislike change in general, but we all change in small ways or steps every day and week, we just don’t see it. It’s just like nature, it changes so slowly that we don’t notice in our busy lives that all of the sudden it’s time to mow the lawn, rake the leaves, shovel the snow, plant the garden, pull the weeds and the cycle restarts. We also notice that the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries seem to fly by after a while just because were too busy to just stop and breathe and see how the changes are slow.
This means that change is small, so we can make small changes in our lives–baby steps–and keep adding positive changes so that we can learn how to recover from our diseases, illnesses, diagoneses, traumas, issues, baggage and anything else in the way.
We will teach you to subtract the negative, create a life recovery tool box, add positive coping skills, learn how to process events and issues as well as reinforce positive emotional learning.
LESSON ONE: What are the “Ins and Outs” of Life? Our life is based on a God given right of free will. Even Adam and Eve had free will, “And the Lord God commanded the man, saying ‘Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat. But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for in the day that you eat of, you shall surely die. ” , Genesis 2:16, 17. This meaning mortality and sin. Well Satan in Serpent form tempted them and we’ve sinned ever since. But there is redemption in John 3:16. Enough of Religion for now. Spirituality is in Chapter Four by Reverend Larry Williams.
Free will, so we as Humans have the choice to choose—to take life’s fate as is, or to do an “Captain Kirk (Star Trek)”™ and change the rules for the moment to make the situation better. If you watch an old episode of Star Trek, James Tibereus Kirk always changes the rules at the last minute to slap fate in the face and save the day. Simply put, you have control of your choices of your life even if it doesn’t seem like it.
The Ins and Outs of Life. What do you think that they are? The Ins are the good things, events, blessings, attitude, hope, faith, love and much more. It’s acceptance, forgiveness and being grateful. It is also how you can control what you can and letting go of what you can’t.
The Outs are your sins, the negatives, stressors, diseases, traumas, grief, baggage and issues that always seem to get in the way of positive growth.
A few things about this book, we will make you think; think out side the box- if necessary, face your fears-if needed, realize empowerment, enlightenment and hope plus get you ready for growth to be the new you.
REMEMBER: WE ARE NOT OUR DISEASES, WE ARE OURSELVES AND YOU ARE YOU!
–Dr. R. Watson, PhD.
I am Red Becker, and I have schizo-affective disorder with bi-polar mixed rapid cycle and PTSD and I am not my diseases. Who are you?
LESSON TWO: What is “normal”? Well maybe we thought it would be some 1950s or 1960s TV show where everything is nice and neat, or even settle for “Archie Bunker”™ or even the “Simpsons”™ if that is how you view life to be normal.
What was “normal”? But identifying “normal” after a psychological break of some sort or too many stressors and you get overwhelmed, then you have to create a new normal, because things are not the same. You have to measure life at a new pace, with a new style and a new sense of identity with hint of Stigma.
FVN’s POWER SENTENCE: “LET’S STOP THE STIGMA!” as it concerns psychological diseases and learning disorders. See page 11.
What is the new “abnormal normal”? Red: I used to think and operate at 100 or 120 percent ten to twenty years ago, but with various injuries and many psychological breaks, now 30 percent is now my new normal and 10 is running low. Once in a while I might hit a 40 if I have a serious manic or just feeling super.
LESSON THREE: Hats—How many “hats” do you wear? What is a hat? A “hat” is your trades, your identities, your diseases, your military specialties (if necessary), your education and other items identifying yourself.
Figure One—Red’s Hats (2010—Red served nine years in the Army in the 1980s-see biography): Military Trainer, Combat Engineer, Structures Specialist, Personnel Specialist, Machine Gunner, Field Sanitation Inspector, Military Driver, (Civilian:) Prep Cook and Dish Washer, Construction Laborer, Delivery Driver, Author (Semi-Published and Published), Husband, Father, Grandpa, PTSD, Bi-Polar, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Graves’ Disease, so on and so forth.
“I was told bluntly but caringly from my Psychologist to hang up my hats, shut my mouth and open up my ears. Gee, and I thought I had an open mind. LOL. Well, I gained much wisdom, patience and empathy from the experience.”--Red.
EXERCISE ONE: WHAT ARE YOUR HATS:
Get ready to hang your hats up underneath the safe shelf. There will be plenty of hooks there. You cannot move forward without this step and be ready to listen or read more pages.
LESSON FOUR: The Safe Shelf and its boxes and the hats underneath. It’s time for a little relaxation and new beginnings. Please sit or lay down, hibernate all electronics, prepare to relax, take several nice deep breaths in thru your nose and slowly thru your pursed lips. Clear your mind of all distractions, you have nothing else to do but to read this page and relax. Pick a color for your mind. Concentrate on that color, don’t worry if it changes color, just relax. (If you are interrupted–start the process over).
We are now going to make you mind a safe place to be, we are going to build a safe wall in your mind. You may design this wall out of any material that you like as long as it will be strong. Is your wall constructed? Good. Now we are going to declare this your safe wall, no harm can come to this safe wall in your mind.
Now it is time to hang the shelf on your safe wall. This shelf can be made of anything as long it is strong. We can now hang your hats under the shelf and get ready to put your boxes on top of the shelf. A shelf is a safe place in your mind that you can train your mind to put your boxes. Your boxes are events, traumas, issues, sins and other malfunctions that you need to process from time to time. Simply put they are your memories. We will learn how to process these boxes in Chapter Two.
If you were able to complete this Lesson and Exercise then you are well on your way to “Challenging Life’s Ins and Outs”. Now if you can accept the past as is, and place all of your boxes on the shelf then do so. How do you now feel with a bunch of emotions, baggage, issues, traumas, etc. all boxed away in a safe place in you mind? If you have a higher power or God or the Lord to help you, then do so.
If you haven’t be able to box all of your emotions, baggage, issues and traumas yet, don’t fret, it will be safe to go on ahead and box them anyway. If one falls off the shelf, that is when we do the processing of the box, see Chapter Two.
Red: My shelf has over 60 boxes and hangs up over a dozen hats.
Figure Two—Red’s Boxes: Some of Red’s hats are also his boxes, plus his emotions, fears, baggage, dreams, issues and stressors are all part of his boxes. Plus Red’s Mom died in his arms from cancer.
EXERCISE TWO—WHAT ARE YOUR BOXES?
LESSON FIVE: Emotions—raw or otherwise: It’s what you do with the emotions or the feelings; it’s the next choice to take.
LESSON SIX: Weighing the cost of choice: There are various factors involving choice. They are Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, Monetary, Relationships, Assets and other involvements. There are positives and negatives to each choice that you make every day, but they are so automatic that we tend not to think about them sometimes, until it’s too late and then we have to try to fix the bad choice.
How much are you willing to pay for that choice? Is it worth it?
Cost of Negative Choices: When we make the choice to choose to the negative, our focus isn’t clear, then we should expect negative pay offs for our negative choices.
FOR THE REST OF THIS CHAPTER AS WELL AS LESSONS FOUR, FIVE AND SIX PLEASE BUY “Challenging Life’s Ins and Outs” on Amazon, Kindle and Nook.
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